there is in all the Death Talk
some truth and subtle lies

I am broken to the colors

saturated olive in the center
spiral of purple at the shoulders
cycle the blue at my elbow

the black is lower down

"Death is the final healing
of all disease."

in the space of trains
I offload

the debt
the death
the colors I have known


and all I see is how
I do not want the healing

count the cars
count the coal

count the times
I have not died

keep the touch 
of blindness
to every word but color

the ringing in my head
rings around my ears

count the shapes in saving
second breath from broken self

double down the knowing
I do not heal today