1.    
  Find a piece of land & lie down upon it & remain
        as still as you possibly can  –  even the smallest fidget
                   & you must reapply.


        2.    
  Count the birds that fly overhead on your fingers
            starting on your left pinky & proceeding inwards
                    (using toes if necessary).


        3.      
  In your mind keep a catalogue
        of each type of bird, & the frequency of each 
             in comparison to the entire sample
      (for example  –  tanagers now account
  
  for roughly every third bird (≈1:3), or wrens

           are four times more likely to occur
 
                 than are cardinals (4:37 vs. 1:37)).




        4.
  Learn one interesting fact about each bird

    (i.e.  –  this particular sparrow
            once owned & truly cherished 
      a piece of red thread). This may be difficult
  as the birds fly by so quickly & are often
            not in the mood for questions.    


        5.    
  Remember each love of your life.
Spend more time dwelling on
the shorter, fleeting ones
that perhaps never really did exist
than on the more long-lasted ones
the ones where you together grew
together before together growing
apart. (Note: For purposes
of the accreditation, a glance
exchanged on the street 
is worth more than a marriage.) 


        6.
  Consider your birth.


        7.
  Measure your height using intuition alone.
    If a doctor or anyone else has recently
      ascertained your height using any
          instrument of measurement & divulged
    that measurement to you, you must not allow
          that information to influence you 
  in any way  –  even an involuntary flash of
      recollection can lead to disqualification.


        8.
  Discern how many human feet
    have stepped where your buttocks
    now lie. Feel their ghosts stepping on
    (or rather through) your buttocks,
    ghostly toenails grazing muscle & skin
    as each spectral foot is lifted up, ready
    for the next step.


        9.        
  Build a life up from inside a wilderness.
  (Use as many pinecones as necessary.)


        10.    
  Grow a career from a seed. 
    Tell your grandkids, “60 years ago
    where this career now stands
    there was nothing.” Observe closely
    the marvel in their cherub-like faces
    as they wonder how such a large thing
    could have once been nearly nothing. 


        11.
  Present all required paperwork neatly
  to the heavens, toast a blessed loved one's
  butterfly kisses, nibble on the smallest
  toe of your closest enemy, disregard
  the bird nest fallen from the spruce tree;
  meditate miserably on that tiniest insult 
  you once in anger lobbed at your best friend
  (he long ago got over it & forgot it) till
  the pain of regret is fully reanimated within you. 


        12.
OK. You will receive your results in four-to-eight
lifetime installments. The results will be unreadable
but you will not mind. Congratulations in advance.