o is thinking about the relationships between people. o is thinking that this thinking is related to power and structures and systems. but as o tries to picture power and structures and systems o can't picture them. o wonders if anyone else has a hard time visualizing. o does. how should o draw economies. or labor forces. or families. like o said, o has the hardest time holding it all together. o thinks this has something to do with being inside of the power and structures and systems. not just any ones, but specific ones. o thinks, lots of people have explained lots of things, but how much do we really hold the whole picture. o thinks, o sure can't. o thinks that o is inside what o is trying to picture. like, o goes to the bank. o drives a car. o's skin allows o to forget about its color. o's body is mostly able to move about without being noticed as different. o drinks water from the tap. o goes to work. o is thinking about relationships between people and how to translate what o senses into understanding. or how to transmute the language o has for what is wrong into sensations that feel powerful. instead, o dreams of animals in the night. as for the systems o kind of thinks we aren't meant to imagine ourselves so large. or maybe o just doesn't have enough to hold on to. these days, o wants things to hold onto. o likes to leave work and ride around town and not tell anyone where o is going. o likes to look at o's reflection in motion. something soothing about being missing for a little while. something soothing about the ability to move forward on a machine but still be outside. o is thinking how these are not solitary sensations. when o is at work or talking in front of people o sweats. o sweats when o goes to the bank. o sweats when o gets lost riding around town, but it's a different kind. when o sweats o feels like being beautiful or handsome doesn't matter. o had this thought about how to change things. o thought o had written is down somewhere, but o couldn't find any documentation. o is thinking that there is something true about the feeling of being lost. as if true were true. o is thinking this inside-ness is like being beside a jet stream of ones own life. o is thinking about how choosing a job is both a necessity and often there is no choosing. o is thinking about how we all deserve meaningful work and how that is not the same as a job. also how bus drivers are taking in objects as they move through space and those objects might become the tunnels through which to transform language. or sensation. o has three jobs. only one of them includes physical contact with another human being. this one being a small one, who holds onto o until the mother comes home or the tiny human falls asleep. opaque work. is it meaningful that o collects news and crosses out entire passages in search of what to name from underneath. o is thinking about the relationships between people and o is having the hardest time picturing anything but everybody running in one place and sweating.